After the Obsession: Nikki Goeser

posted: 02/25/14
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Nikki talking to a friend from the 'Serenade of a Stalker' episode.

How has your life changed since your experience?

With the help of family, friends and my own will, I have pulled through this. While my life is very different now, it is a new kind of normal. The hardest part for years was waking up in the morning knowing that Ben is not here. It's like the movie "Groundhog Day" but I can't change events and I know Ben is never coming home. I still believe that most people are inherently good but I also realize there are evil people walking amongst us everyday. Social deviant predators may not be the obvious oddball or weirdo that throws up an immediate red flag. Just pay attention to what is going on around you and pay attention to your internal radar when it tells you something is not right. I still try to keep the qualities that my husband loved about me but balance that with situational awareness.

Why did you decide to tell your story?

I felt that it was important for the public to hear from a victim that does not blame the gun. I blame the murderer and those lawmakers who legislated me out of my constitutional right to try and defend Ben and I. I am a firm supporter of the 2nd amendment despite being the victim of this type of violence. The man that did this to us had no criminal record and no diagnosed mental illness that would have prevented him from owning a firearm. The only way to protect yourself against this type of monster is to meet force with force. Most of the websites dedicated to giving women advice on how to deal with a stalker never offer justifiable self defense with a firearm as an option. I think it is important that women be empowered to protect not only themselves but those they love most. A restraining order is just a piece of paper. A man like Ben's murderer who is bent on killing and not deterred by the penalty of prison, will walk right through that piece of paper. You can sit on the phone with 911 praying the police get there in enough time or you can take responsibility for yourself and defend your own life. Owning a gun does not make you invincible but it does give you a fighting chance to survive. It can put you on equal footing with the person that is about to harm you.

Are there any organizations that helped you after/ during your experience? Can you recommend any resources?

I would recommend a class on self-defense with a firearm. Learn about gun safety and justifiable use of force.

Any words of advice based on your own experiences?

I would highly advise any person being stalked to take a handgun carry permit class and go through the legal steps to carry for their own self defense. Stay away from anyone who makes you uncomfortable and be assertive and clear that you want nothing to do with them. Tell your friends and family about the stalker, who they are and what they are doing. You may want to let law enforcement know about the stalker if they have threatened you and try to get a restraining order. Just know that it is only a piece of paper and you are ultimately responsible for your own safety. I learned that your gut instinct is usually always correct. Follow it. Don't brush it aside thinking you are overreacting or blowing things out of proportion. Not all stalkers are violent but many are. It's better to be trained and prepared than someone's easy victim.

What are your plans and hopes for the future?

I plan to continue educating the public about the importance of protecting yourself and family. I hope to help victims of violent crime in some capacity in my future.

Anything else you would like to share...

Here is a link to my website. Also, my book "Denied A Chance: How Gun Control Helped A Stalker Murder My Husband" is available here.

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